I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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