Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
