you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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