i just had sex bonerless
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This baby is an asshole
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
