YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
