Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
