All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
where am i from again
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
