Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
