thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
