You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
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