I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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