i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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