Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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