he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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