If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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