I murdered the dance floor call the cops
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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