im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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