420 ftw
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
