I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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