Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
