I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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