did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
