It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
