final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
