We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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