I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
