i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
