why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
