My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
