Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
