Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
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today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
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How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
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