google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
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