He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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