And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
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my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
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I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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