I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
