Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
