I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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