you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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