direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
