Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
