fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
