I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
