Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
