the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
