apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
