Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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