Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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