I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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