I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
