My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
