areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I can text with my tongue
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
