Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
