i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
