This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
