how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
