Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
no you cant smoke seaweed
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
