you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
