I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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