Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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