New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
