I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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