Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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