STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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