I've blown a few things in my day
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
