Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
