Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
