I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
