Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
