I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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