yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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