my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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