he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
