Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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