dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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