Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
