I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not cheating when I paid for it
ttyl tear gas
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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