Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
