I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
