I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
