1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
