So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
