2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
