I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
handjob tips. give me some.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
